Shattered Chains: A survivor’s tale of Domestic Violence

In my post “Shattered Dreams” I wrote about how my relationship with Sheldon started, falling in love, getting married, and having kids. I wrote about the abuse and how I divorced him. It was not the last time I would leave him though. In this story I will tell you about when I got back together with Sheldon, and how I finally left. Be warned, this isn’t easy to write, and it will be difficult to read at times. If you are a victim of domestic violence, know you are not alone and you don’t deserve this. Viewer discretion advised.

Two years after I left Sheldon I reconnected with him. It’s hard when you are a single mom and you have kids together. It gets lonely. Not many men are willing to take on a relationship with you when you have children, but especially three small children. I unblocked Sheldon on Facebook. We talked a little bit. He told me that he had spent the last two years getting sober. I told him how great that was. I guess part of me was still very naive. I believed him. He also told me he spent the last two years getting his medication straightened out and he had been consistantly taking them. I was shocked. He told me losing the kids and I was what brought him to that decision. He told me he found God. He also told me that he had the possiblity of having lung cancer. Stupid me for believing him. He knew how to play the strings of my heart. How could I deny the kids a chance to see their father who might have lung cancer and could possibly die?

This wasn’t the first time Sheldon had made up a story. He once told me he had a daughter named Crystal. He told me how Crystal’s mother was a drug addict who lived in Chicago, and while Sheldon was gone, Crystal’s mom shot the baby up with drugs and passed her to a room of men who raped her until she died. This was a lie. He never had a daughter named Crystal. It takes a very sick man to make a lie like this up… I just didn’t find out this was a lie until years down the road.

I asked Sheldon to meet the kids and I at the children’s museum. I felt since it was a public place nothing could go wrong. We met at the children’s museum. The kids had a blast running around and playing. Sheldon asked me if we wanted to have dinner with him after the museum. Little did I know he expected me to pay for it all, typical Sheldon. I paid for us all to have dinner though. I had a hard time saying no to this man. Maybe from the years of training that if I said no I would be hit, I don’t know. Sheldon went home after dinner and I returned to my apartment.

A few days later I got a call from Sheldon. His aunt was kicking him out of the house because he had been talking to me. He told me he didn’t have a place to go. Like an idiot I told him he could stay with me for a week until he found some where to go. He came to stay at my apartment. One week turned into two, then three. He was making no effort to find a job or get back on his feet. I didn’t mind it too much though, he was helping with the kids and for a short time I felt like I had my best friend back. It was nice, he was taking his medicine, he was sober. Maybe he had changed. Boy was I wrong.

Sheldon changed his address to my apartment. We started to go to church together and rebuild our “broken marriage” even if we weren’t still married. Sheldon told me how proud he was of me for building this life without him. He told me how proud he was of me for raising our kids by myself and doing a great job at it, they were good kids.

A couple months later I was feeling sick a lot and just having very low energy. I knew what this meant. I wasn’t stupid. I had gotten used to this feeling by now. Off to the store I went to buy a pregnancy test. It came back very quickly. Positive. I sat on the couch and bawled. I wasn’t ready for this again. I had a career I was building. I wanted to go back to school to further my license from EMT to paramedic. I wanted to be a flight medic someday. I had goals that I couldn’t reach if I was pregnant! Sheldon didn’t know what to do so he went downstairs to get my friend who just happened to be my neighbor. She came upstairs and gave me the kick in the pants I needed. I wiped my tears and got off that couch. I got this.

From there, everything got flipped upside down. Sheldon stopped taking his medication. I don’t know if he started drinking again or not, if he did then he hid it well. Sheldon was cheating on me again. He was talking to his ex-girlfriend and other women online. He went missing for a day and came home with messages in his phone from his ex-girlfriend. I wasn’t certain but the signs were there that they had slept together. I confronted Sheldon about this, and it ended how it used to. Sheldon cussed at me and yelled at me. The kids were scared. I locked the kids and I in my room and turned on the TV for them. Sheldon stood outside of my bedroom door screaming and cussing, when that didn’t work he started yelling to our daughter (his favorite child) Heaven. He was yelling at her to come out of the room and come with him. He yelled “Heaven, this is all your mother’s fault! Your mother is doing this you know!” I turned the TV up to try to drown his voice out. I called my mom and asked her to come help us but she lived a hour away. Sheldon ended up unplugging the internet which our TV was run through, and the TV went silent. He started yelling again. My mom called Sheldon in an attempt to calm him down and let us out of the apartment. Sheldon yelled back at my mom that he didn’t care and he was going to set the building on fire with us in it. My mom called the neighbor who sent her husband upstairs to help us. He was able to talk Sheldon into leaving for a walk. By the time he talked Sheldon into the walk my mom was there.

My mom came in and helped me pack the important stuff quickly. We loaded up the kids, I shut my apartment door and locked it, Sheldon didn’t have a key to get back in. I left with my mom to her house. Later that evening, my neighbor called me to let me know Sheldon had returned and was waiting outside of the apartment door. I told her not to let him in as she had a key, but he can be very convincing and they let him in. He told them that he would sleep there that night and then leave. I returned home with the kids under the impression he was gone but he was asleep on the couch. He promised me that things would change and he would get back on his medication. You would think I would get wise and stop believing him but I did.

Sheldon lied to me. He told me he was back on his medication and even went as far as putting a bandaid on his arm to fake an injection site where his shot would have been. A couple weeks went by and things were ok, until they weren’t. I went to work one day with a split lip. I told everyone it was a cold sore but a good friend and coworker of mine knew better. She pulled me aside and asked me “Did he do that?” I admitted it to her. We talked about it but I wasn’t ready to leave. I was still pregnant with our baby, just in the beginning stages of pregnancy. I was scared to raise another baby alone.

The last day, THAT day. The day I said enough was enough. The day I walked away never to look back again. I was fourteen weeks pregnant. There was a huge snow storm the night before. I didn’t think when I woke up that there might not be school. Sheldon was sleeping on the couch. I had started to lock my door whenever I left my bedroom because I didn’t want the kids to get in there. This time I had left my cellphone charging in the bedroom. I got my son up and dressed for school. While I was putting my son’s boots and coat on Sheldon had started to grumble and cuss at me. I asked Sheldon what he said because I didn’t hear him. He just rolled over and I thought that was the end of it. I took my son down to meet the bus. We waited out there for awhile but I finally realized the bus wasn’t coming and I took my son back upstairs. While I was taking my son’s boots off Sheldon started to call me every name in the book, though his personal favorite was to call me a bitch. I told Sheldon that this was my house and he was not going to talk to me that way in my own home. Sheldon jumped off the couch and crossed the room in less than a second. He was face to face with me so close our noses were almost touching, our son was lying on the floor between us, trapped. Sheldon started to scream at me and I could feel the spit hitting my face as he did this. He was calling me every name in the book and telling me that this was his house too and there was nothing I could do about it. Sheldon’s yelling woke up our twin daughters. Sheldon ran down the hallway to their bedroom. Sheldon picked up Heaven. Heaven was naked because she had wet the bed in the middle of the night and stripped herself before returning to bed. Sheldon was trying to leave with her like that. He was going to take her outside naked. I blocked the doorway, holding on to the sides of the door jams as hard as I could. Sheldon screamed at me to move but I wasn’t going to allow him to leave with her like that. He punched me in the stomach multiple times but I wouldn’t let go of that doorway; however, I did reach up and slap him. Heaven was scared and begging Sheldon to put her down. Sheldon put her down after she peed on herself because she was so scared. Sheldon slapped her across the face, hard. Once he put her down, I moved out of the way. Sheldon walked down the hallway to the kitchen, I was in the living room and ready to protect the kids if needed. Sheldon grabbed a knife out of the kitchen block and came at me holding it up like he was going to stab me. I started to scream for help, I couldn’t get to my phone. I started to scream that I was pregnant and he had a knife. I screamed that he was going to stab me and begged for someone to call 911. I knew one of the neighbors had to hear me.

Sheldon blocked the front door. I wasn’t able to leave. He turned the knife on himself and told me he would kill himself. Something in me snapped and I told him to go ahead and that I didn’t care. He returned the knife to the kitchen block. At this time my neighbor was hollering down the hallway. I tried to open the door and see who I was talking to, but Sheldon tried to shove me out the door and shut it. I fought my way back in. I wasn’t going to leave my children in there alone with him like this. I pushed my way back into the apartment and leaned out of the door leaving my foot in the door so he couldn’t shut it on me. I told my neighbor what was going on and asked her to call 911, she didn’t but said she would. Sheldon heard this. Sheldon walked to the bedroom and kicked in the door. Perfect, now I have to find a way to get to my phone! I reached my phone some how when Sheldon walked back to the living room. I was able to get a text message out to my friend that had noticed the split lip. I told her what was going on and she called 911 for me. I fully believe she saved my life that day. If not for her calling for help for me, I have no doubt Sheldon would have killed me.

After I got the message out, Sheldon was there in my face again. Screaming at me so close that our noses were touching and I could feel the spit on my face. He was calling me every name in the book and telling me he was going to kill me. I told him the police were coming. At this time Sheldon felt the need to leave. He got into the closet by the front door and grabbed his steel toe boots. He used them to hit me in the stomach and on my body. He then put them on and stormed out the door. I slammed the door and locked it. I collapsed on the floor crying, partly relieved I just lived through this, and mostly because I was terrified.

The police came. I was having some bleeding. Being hit in the stomach multiple times while pregnant is never a good thing. The police took the report, they searched for Sheldon to question him. They found him a few blocks away. Sheldon claimed I was the aggresser. He claimed I slapped him first and everything he did was in self defense. He told the police he was leaving town and was just waiting for his ride. The police let him go. I went to the hospital for a threatened miscarriage. While I was laying in the hospital bed possibly losing my baby, Sheldon texted me why he had done all of this. His text message read “You deserved this. Maybe if you put out more or swolled every once in awhile I wouldn’t have to do this.”

I filed for a restraining order as soon as I got out of the hospital. My mom came and helped me with the kids for a little bit so I could process what happened and why. I chose to press charges that day. This is the last time he would hit me. I didn’t care that he hit me, I was used to it. I was more worried about the fact he hit our daughter and tried to kill our unborn baby.

I didn’t lose our baby though. The months that followed were filled with doubt and so many choices to make. On one hand I wanted to terminate my pregnancy. I didn’t want to raise a child with this man again. I didn’t want to subject another child to his abuse. I was told by my mother that if I terminated my pregnancy she would never forgive me and she would disown me. Again, very strong Christian beliefs. When that was no longer an option, I looked at adoption. I couldn’t raise four kids as a single mother. I couldn’t give this child the things needed, I was barely making it by with the children I already had. I received the packet of information for adoption. I thought long and hard about it. Did I really think that I could leave my child to someone else to raise? Could I really give this baby up? Could I do this alone? I didn’t know what the right choice was. I started to pursue the adoption but then I had my ultrasound. A girl. I was having a girl. She was mine. I could do this. It’s different this time around because we aren’t married I can just leave him off the birth certificare. I can just pick up more hours or find a better paying job. I already raised three alone, I can handle another one. I planned to keep my baby, my strong, little survivor.

My mom was there for my c-section. She cut my little girl’s cord. I named her Adira, which means strong in hebrew. She is strong for sure. She is the missing piece in my life. She is one of the best things to happen to me. She is strong and a fighter just like her mother. Before she was even born she had so much to overcome and she did. Together her and I survived the attack from Sheldon, the eclampsia and seizures, and she survived being born not breathing. She was born to do so many great things in this life. There is a big calling on her life for sure!

Three days after my c-section I faced Sheldon in court. I told the judge and everyone in that court room what Sheldon had done to me. I looked Sheldon in the face and told him that I wasn’t scared of him anymore. I faced Sheldon and told him that he didn’t break me. I looked Sheldon in the face and took back my life. Everyone in the court room was in tears when I was done with my statement. The judge thanked me for being there and telling my story even though I had just had a pretty major surgery. The judge sentenced him to ninety days, though if she could have she would have given him more. It’s just that was the maximum sentence for domestic violence.

Courage is being scared, and doing it anyways. Strength is getting up off that floor and fighting. Strength is taking back your life and shattering those chains. I gathered the strength I needed to make it through this and survive. I did it for my babies. I did it for those sweet little faces looking up to me for guidance. I not only shattered the chains that held me, but I shattered the chain holding them too. I set us free.