Mourning what was, embracing what is: coping with grief and embracing autism

I am a mother of three incredible children, each navigating their own unique journey on the autism spectrum. My daughter, Heaven, is highly functional; my daughter Karlee is moderate, with the added challenges of ADHD and anxiety; and my son, nonverbal and severe. When that positive pregnancy test appeared, no one could have predicted the path our family would walk. None of us were prepared for the challenges and triumphs that would come with raising children with special needs.

Like many parents, I once dreamed of playing baseball with my son in the front yard or shopping with my daughters. I had hopes and aspirations for my children that never included the reality of my son, at ten years old, still in diapers, or the daily battles with my daughter to brush her hair and teeth. This post will share my journey of learning about my children’s autism diagnoses and the process of grieving the loss of a “normal” life.

Grieving the loss of the life you envisioned for your children is not selfish or something to feel guilty about. I, too, mourned the expectations I had set for our family. In those initial weeks after the diagnoses, tears flowed as I mourned the life I thought we would lead. Autism is a complex journey, filled with challenges and beauty, courage, and strength.

My son was diagnosed at just two years old, and the signs were present even earlier. From a lack of eye contact to speech regression, sensory sensitivities, and safety concerns, the journey to a diagnosis was filled with uncertainty and fear. The battle to get him tested was a struggle, with roadblocks and delays at every turn. When the diagnosis finally came, a flood of questions and emotions overwhelmed me. Would he ever speak? Would he be accepted? Did I cause this? The grief was profound, mourning the life I thought he would lead.

With my twin daughters, Karlee and Heaven, the denial was strong. Their differences from their brother made it hard to accept their diagnoses. When the truth came to light, I wept for the challenges they would face. Three children on the spectrum – was it genetic? Was it my fault? The mourning process was a necessary step, allowing me to grieve the life I had imagined for them. But from that grief emerged strength, determination, and a fierce commitment to fight for my children.

Every day brings new challenges and triumphs; every tear shed is a testament to the love and resilience that define our family. Autism may have its difficult days, but it also opens our eyes to a world filled with beauty, empathy, and endless possibilities. My children have taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, and for that, I am forever grateful. Our journey may be filled with struggles, but the love, laughter, and strength we share make every battle worthwhile.

Autism has reshaped our lives in ways I never could have imagined, but it has also shown me the beauty in embracing differences, celebrating small victories, and cherishing the moments of pure joy that come with loving my children unconditionally.