As you have read in my previous posts, my life hasn’t been easy. For me, it felt like my happy ever after was never coming. I had grown to be ok being a single mom, I had been for five years. I wasn’t thrilled about being alone, but I had accepted it, but it did get lonely sometimes. Those lonely nights were filled with many tears, and I vented to a good friend of mine about it. She encouraged me to get back in the dating game. I wasn’t sure at first, I had this belief no one was going to want a woman with four kids, but I took to online dating. Boy was that a mistake.
The problem with online dating, for me, is that most of the men on there are looking for hookups and I wanted something a little more serious. Hookups can be ok, don’t get me wrong, but they left me feeling emptier and lonelier. I wanted something more lasting. I thought I found that in one man, but after some time, months later, he ghosted me. I ended up wanting to give up on dating all together. I was venting to a friend of mine named Sasha about this. Sasha told me not to give up yet, she had a guy she wanted to introduce me to named Jordan. Sasha liked to play matchmaker ha-ha! Little did I know, this man named Jordan was busy messaging Sasha pretty much the same things I had been about being lonely, struggling to find something serious, and being ghosted.
I asked Sasha to send me a picture. He was cute! He was tall, thin, had brown eyes, and dark hair. I jokingly told Sasha he was tall, dark, and handsome. I felt like this guy was out of my league, there is no way he could like me, but I agreed to try if he was interested. That day Sasha put Jordan and I in a group chat on Facebook with her. She introduced Jordan and I, got a conversation started between us, and then left the group. Sasha knew the both of us because at one point Sasha had been partners with the both of us on an ambulance. She knew that both Jordan and I were looking for the same things, and we both had the same career. I don’t think any of us were expecting it to go as well as it did.
Jordan and I talked about life, work, and similar interests. I was very upfront with Jordan about the fact I had four children, in fact I told him “I have four kids, if you can’t handle that just say so now.” Jordan told me that he had pretty much been raised by a stepdad and he didn’t mind being one. Jordan and I really hit it off. I had all these fears come up though. I was afraid to love again, to let someone in that close and give them the power to destroy me. What if he met me in person and didn’t like me? What if I wasn’t what he was expecting? The what ifs filled my head with doubt, but after a week of talking on the phone and texting, Jordan finally asked me on a date.
Jordan wouldn’t tell me what he had planned for the date. All I knew was that Jordan was going to drive over an hour to come pick me up and would drive me back to where he lived an hour away to have our date and planned to drive me an hour back home. I couldn’t believe someone would be willing to do that. I offered to meet him, but Jordan wasn’t having it. He wanted to be a gentleman and pick me up. I was so nervous, but I bought a new dress. I hadn’t worn a dress in years! It was a black sundress with sunflowers (my favorite flowers) paired with black high heels. My best friend Linsey came over and helped me do my hair and my makeup. My girls Karlee and Heaven were so excited for their mom. They kept telling me how beautiful I looked and telling me to have fun on my date. My mom came over to pick up the kids. She was going to have them spend the night at her house for me. The whole time I was getting ready, Sasha was texting me helping calm my nerves and giving me information about what Jordan was doing to get ready ha-ha! I had picked up a six pack of beer and some chocolate to give Jordan. Then it came time. There was a knock at the door.
I opened the door to see Jordan standing there. He was even cuter in person. He had on jeans and a blue plaid button up shirt. He had a fresh haircut, and clean-shaven face. He walked me to his car and opened the door for me. I was not used to that. I had never had a man who was chivalrous. Jordan looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. On the hour drive, Jordan and I played music and talked about our music tastes. About halfway to where he was taking me, we rolled up on a car accident and had to re-route. I joked and still joke to this day, leave it to two EMT’s to find a car accident on their first date. Jordan took me to downtown Flint, a restaurant named Blackstone’s. It was so pretty. The alley behind the restaurant had lights strung up and it looked so romantic.
Inside the restaurant Jordan and I sat down to eat. I was too nervous to eat but I powered through it. We joked and flirted over dinner. I got up to excuse myself to the bathroom where I text Sasha to let her know how it was going, she warned me not to stay in the bathroom too long and to hurry back. Jordan invited me to his place to watch a movie before taking me home. He drove me to his house where he lived with his uncle. His uncle was unaware I was coming over and happened to be in the kitchen in his underwear. Jordan looked so embarrassed, and his face turned twenty shades of red and purple. He looked so cute when he blushed. Jordan’s uncle retreated to his bedroom for the night and Jordan, and I ended up watching Joker on the couch, Jordan had bought my favorite wine and learned from his uncle how to pour it properly for me. It was sweet. I ended up staying the night with him. The next morning Jordan drove me home. He walked me to my door and kissed me goodbye. I hoped I would see him again. I was worried this would be the last time and boy did I really like him.
A week later Jordan invited me to a wedding as his plus one. Our second date. I agreed. I bought another dress; this one was also a sundress; it was blue with pink and purple flowers. I was so happy to have an excuse to wear dresses again. The day before the date he texted me to tell me he had some bad news. I was so disappointed; I was for sure he was going to cancel, instead Jordan told me that he didn’t realize that his mom and sister would also be at the wedding, and I would be meeting his family on our second date. Great. I panicked and texted Sasha about it. She was able to calm my down. I agreed to still attend. My mom was going to take the kids for another overnight at her house.
Jordan drove out to pick me up again. I offered to meet him, but he did not want to do that, he felt it was the gentleman thing to do to pick me up. We attended the wedding together; Jordan showed me around the area he grew up in and worked in. I met his mom and sister, we hit it off. Jordan introduced me to his coworkers and friends. After the wedding, we went to another one of his friend’s houses and had a bonfire. It was nice but Jordan almost didn’t get a third date because after a few beers, he wouldn’t shut up about his ex-girlfriend. We drove back to his place, and then we sat on the porch drinking a bottle of wine under the stars and talking. That was the moment I realized I was falling for this man.
Our third date, Jordan took me to his firefighter barbeque. I got to meet his fellow firefighters and fit in well with the other fire wives. Shortly after this Jordan and I went “official”. We were a couple. I had so many fears throughout our relationship. I was waiting for “the mask” to fall off. I was waiting for him to decide this wasn’t what he wanted, I wasn’t what he wanted. I was waiting for him to decide I wasn’t enough. He didn’t. Eventually, he met my children, and they took a little bit to warm up to him, but they too fell in love with this man. Without being told to, they started to call him dad. He was the only dad my youngest Adira ever knew. She had never met her biological dad. The twins, Karlee and Heaven, calling him dad surprised me, but Jordan took it like a champ. I asked him if he was ok with it, and he told me if that’s what they wanted to call him it was ok with him. We moved in together and dated for three years before being married.
Looking back now it is hard to believe a simple group message would be my second chance at love, that I would finally find my happy ever after. It wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. As a couple we had to overcome a lot. Being with Sheldon had left a lot of scars. I often told Jordan I was damaged and to be gentle with me, and he was. He wasn’t just gentle, he had patience and understanding. We fought, as many couples do. This is how I discovered I had PTSD triggers. Jordan and I learned that during arguments, he couldn’t stand in front of doors, I had to have an exit that he couldn’t block, or it made me feel trapped and I would go into fight or flight mode. Jordan and I worked through these triggers together. Never once did he judge me for them. He was gentle and understanding of these things, knowing my past and what I had been through. Jordan is a great man, he has his flaws as any human does, but he treats me well and loves the kids as if they were his own. We’ve built a beautiful life together so far and I cannot wait to see what the future holds with this man. With Jordan by my side, I feel like we can conquer anything. He is my peace, my safe haven. My second chance at love.
Welcome To My Life 
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