Father’s Day

I know it isn’t Father’s Day yet, but it is coming up. They are already putting things in the store for it. Father’s Day has always been hard for me. Being adopted to a single mom meant I had no one to celebrate on this day. It was just another day, another experience, I didn’t get to have. I watched my friends go to daddy daughter dances, be taught how to drive by their dads, and having a dad to celebrate.

I now have a father-in-law I get to celebrate. I may not have had those experiences growing up, but I get to have new experiences. I get to build a relationship with Dad. I get to learn from Dad. I got the amazing experience of bonding with my father-in-law over working on an ambulance together. I got to do what I love while working along side Dad. Dad helped us with a lot of landscaping leading up to our wedding, I got to learn about that stuff from Dad. I got to learn about powerwashing, cleaning gutters, weeding, mulch, and plenty more. Since the wedding, he has helped us with projects like plumbing, and hooking up the gas stove, I got to learn those things from Dad, granted I already knew a lot about plumbing but the things I didn’,t I learned from him.

When I needed advice for work related issues, I called Dad. When I had my mental breakdown, Dad and Mom were there. When Dad left the road to go teach, I was with him for the last shift and I got to write his final call. It was an honor and it meant a lot to me that I was able to do that. I missed out on a lot having a dad growing up, now I am just soaking up the experience. Dad’s are important. Dad’s are the glue of the family. Dad’s are the strong pillar, the providers, the fighters, the wisdom. Dad’s are important.

My kids didn’t have a dad to celebrate on Father’s Day. That was heartbreaking. I knew what that felt like. I never wanted that for my kids. Sheldon had every chance to be a father. He claims he wasn’t given the chance but he was given EVERY chance, he just chose not to be. He had parenting time, yet chose not to show up. He was given the chance to be a father and he chose not to. How does a parent do that? Chose to walk away and not have any part in the life of the child, or in our case children, that he created? I will never understand that. I could never do that. It was for the better though. He was abusive. They didn’t need to see that and they don’t deserve that. The mental abuse he put the kids through still shows years later. It makes me so angry to think about. Instead the kids turned Father’s Day into another Mother’s Day, I knew it wasn’t Mother’s Day and my heart broke for them every year… until Jordan.

Jordan entered their lives and everything changed. Adira took awhile to warm up to Jordan. Until Jordan, she had never known a dad. It was slow going but eventually he won her over. Watching the two of them build this beautiful relationship was so heartwarming. She would get so excited when we would go visit Jordan at work, she would sit on his lap in the chair and smile ear to ear. She would light up when she heard we were going to Jordan’s house. She would listen to his music and jam along with him, even would go around singing the songs. She would sit next to him while he was gaming with her little toy game controller and pretend to be playing with him. She would sit next to him with her sippy cup in her hands and watch Emergency. She loved to snuggle up with him and fall asleep on his chest. She loved to watch cops with him and at two years old that’s when her passion to be a police officer was born. Adira now wants dad any time she doesn’t feel good, is scared, or is hurt.

Heaven loved Jordan almost instantly. She was close to her biological dad, and felt that piece was missing when he left. She loved Jordan. She loved to color him pictures, and the first family picture she drew with him in it made both of our hearts melt. She was the first one to call him dad. I asked him if he was ok with that, he told me that if that is what they chose to call him he didn’t mind.

Karlee took awhile to warm up. She just recently finally did. She called him dad but you could tell she was testing his patience on purpose. She would pick fights with Jordan just to see how he would react. She and Jordan butt heads a lot. Recently Karlee has been struggling with some depression, Jordan had been her strength through this. He took her to her day program and they would have jam out sessions and long talks on their drive there. They have bonded. When she is having an anxiety attack she asks for her dad. She loves to sit at the computer with him and watch him game, even if she is full of questions. She loves to work on coding with him.

SJ loved Jordan from the start. He loved that there was another guy around and he was no longer the only boy. He respected Jordan. He listened to Jordan. He obeyed Jordan better than he has ever obeyed me. He would seek out chances to communicate with Jordan. Jordan started to teach him sign language. The first time they had a conversation in sign language, more like an argument, I just sat there and smiled. Jordan and SJ love to watch racing together. They both love the cars. SJ and Jordan will sit together and watch a whole race, that’s the only time I ever see SJ sit still and focus. SJ signs dad, and even says dad now. He loves dad.

My kids now have a dad they love. A dad who shows up. A dad who teaches them and guides them. A dad who loves them. A dad who works to understand them. They don’t always see eye to eye with him, what kid ever does see eye to eye with their parents, but they respect him and love him. They listen to him.

Jordan didn’t have to. I tell him that all the time. He didn’t have to take on raising four kids that were not his responsibilty to raise. He didn’t have to take that on. He chose to. How special is that? How special to go from a dad who wouldn’t choose you to a dad who chooses you every day. A dad who puts you first. A dad who loves you unconditionally. A dad who doesn’t see them as not his blood. A dad who loves them as his own. A dad who calls them his. A dad who is proud to have them. That’s special.

Father’s Day is no longer a sad day in our home. It’s a day to celebrate the dads in our lives. To celebrate my father-in-law, and to celebrate Jordan. We look forward to Father’s Day now. It’s a special day in our home. Father’s Day went from being a sad and depressing day, to one of joy, laughter, and celebration. That’s pretty special if you ask me. That is beautiful. It takes a special kind of man to raise and love children that are not technically their own. Chuck and Jordan both have done this and continue to do this. They are men worth celebrating, and we cannot wait to celebrate them this year!